Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
