if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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