that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
