So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
where are my eyebrows?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
