he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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