i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
