margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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