I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
