So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
