you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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