Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
