the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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