no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
