he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
BRING THE BAGELS
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
