I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
