I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
