Jerry, you need to find god
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
