Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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