Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
