you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
