You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
