I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
