He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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