you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
