Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
