k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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