You're my little dorito
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
