i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
