peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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