did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
