Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
