We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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