the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
