btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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