He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
