well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
God, I missed his penis.
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