The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
MIDGETS
????
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
