Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
