My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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