Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
