Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
