i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
