Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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