OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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