I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
