I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
