BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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