im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
that is very illegal...i love you.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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