I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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