I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
