pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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