apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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