Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
