at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
