Just fell off a train. Bad.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
